Update 7/31: When I was 5 I had started having dreams, more like nightmares, that would come true. It had scared me a lot, as a result I had blocked out my intuition. I never told anyone about thous nightmares, because I didn't think anyone would understand. No one in my house ever talked about dreams. I was worried and still constantly worry that I will not be excepted if I say or do something wrong. For this reason I hid and still hide all things that bother me. I want to appear like I am happy kind of person. I always felt it's unfair to burden others with my problems. I think that this feeling was great justification for not wanting anyone to see how vulnerable I really am.
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